I'm Not Just A Vagina

I'm Not Just A Vagina

Warning this article might be offensive to some . . . I write this article after a long drawn out "Debate" I had on social media. I try to stay out of these arguments (I would advise you to do the same as they just cause unnecessary anger and ill will towards others and vice versa. Really who needs that kind of anger and resentment in their life?) That being said, it spurred on this fury.

    I've never considered myself much of a feminist until recently, until this article really, and this much heated debate of the idea of Having Kids VS Not Having Kids. This topic is quite a controversial one, and one side or the other seems to lash out. I'm happy that people are passionate about this debate. I like hearing apposing viewpoints, but what I don't like is being looked at as a "Second Class Citizen" because I am choosing not to have kids. I mean, come on? What's up with that?  As the title of this article states, I am not just a Vagina to bare kids for my husband or society! I am a person.

    As a woman who is a free thinking, intelligent, and a productive member of society, it is my right as a person to choose whether or not I want to have kids. It's not up to society. SORRY. This is not up for debate! Despite comments on social media, I'm not a "Baby Killer" and I'm not "Ignorant." We've come a long way since the 40's, 50's and 60's where it was the "Norm" for women to be the "Homemakers" and simply bare children for our husbands. I thought we were past the gross sexist box of women's societal duties in life to "Bare Children," but apparently not. When I posted simply that I did not want to have kids and there are several reasons for my decision, it was brought to my attention that others would be "Happy when people with my viewpoint pass away, that way it gets rid of that ideology." It's safe to say that I was more than a little angry at this comment. It wasn't just the blatant ignorance of a comment such as this, but it was the implications behind the comment itself.

    I was reduced to a baby killer who society would be happy to kill because I wasn't contributing to the population.

    Just because I think about the implications of having kids instead of rushing out and having sex with whomever, does not make me stupid. I'm thinking about this and how it will effect my life and everyone around me. Lastly, these types of arguments don't get women to change their mind about wanting to have kids. In fact, it causes the opposite to be true. 

    In conclusion, I try to stay out of the debate, but they brought me in. Us feminists are not ignorant. Us members of a society who "do not want to have kids" are not useless, and I am not just a vagina.

Thank You!

I served on a murder case for 8 days. Here’s my verdict on what it’s like to be a juror and my experiences.

I served on a murder case for 8 days. Here’s my verdict on what it’s like to be a juror.

Day 1

Process of Elimination

  Day one started by shuffling through security at 7:15am. Once through security we were directed to
the jury common area where all jurors were situated waiting for the judge to appear and lay out the
specific cases for the day. There are civil cases which can last 1-3 days and other cases which could
last a bit longer. This particular judge in question came down to address all jurors situated in the
holding area. He explained there were several cases that were taking place that day, and one specific
case he was working on for the next 8 days which was a murder trial. He then proceeded to tell us
that they were going to be choosing the jury for that murder trial that day. I just happened to be one
of the jurors that they randomly selected to fill out a brief survey attached to a clipboard. They asked
questions regarding the case, more specifically, a list of witnesses which we had to indicate whether
we knew. We had to answer other questions like if we knew anybody in law enforcement? If we had
known anybody in the past who was murdered? If the sensitive material presented in this case would
hinder our ability in any way to be a non-partial juror. After we were finished filling out the survey we
were instructed to form an line and meet outside the main common juror area, at which time, they
would give us a slip of paper to return at a specific time later on in the day. My specific ticket indicated
that I would need to return at 1pm to stand before the lawyers and judge to be questioned.

The time I was called back to appear before the courts was not the time they received me and the
other fifty jurors. We ended up waiting on the fourth floor lobby for about 35-45 minutes before we
were called into the courtroom. The bailiff came out each time, first asking for individuals the lawyers
had questions for based on their answers to the questionnaire, and then called us all into the back of
the courtroom to be seated and sworn in by the judge. At this time, before we sit, we are all instructed
to raise our right hand and make an oath to the judge that we solemnly swear under the penalty of
perjury that we swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Everyone have to say
I do out loud before the proceedings can go any further. After we’re sworn in, they called exactly 38
jurors from the back of the courtroom to proceed up front to be seated in the juror chairs and
additional folding chairs that were placed directly in front of the juror’s chairs. I was not one of
the first 38 people called, but it was still my duty, and the duty of every other jurors who were not
called, to listen to all proceedings in detail to make sure if somebody was dismissed that we’d have
the knowledge that they would have to answer questions if the lawyers were to call on you later.
Both lawyers in this situation were asking very specific hypothetical questions based on scenarios
they came up with. We learn later that these, although hypothetical questions, had a major priority
in this case which we were dealing with. At first, being a juror in the back of the courtroom, I thought
that I would be safe from being called up to the front. Oh boy was I wrong. After the first 3 jurors were
excused due to their answers to these hypothetical questions, which I’ll get to in a minute, I was then
the first of the next three people to be called up to sit in the juror’s box. The prosecution proceeded
to ask me if I had been paying attention to the questions asked, and if I could answer the hypothetical
question that was asked earlier. I’ll now ask you, the reader, the questions the prosecuting attorney
asked us while we were in the stand . . .

I want you to imagine a bank robbery, just your typical bank robbery maybe one you’ve seen in
a movie. There are four bank robbers one driving the getaway car, one standing watch at the door to
make sure that no cops are coming, and two other bank robbers carrying out the crime. The two
robbers holding up the bank inside are both holding guns. They are both pointing those guns at the
bank tellers telling them to give them money. Are you picturing that? One bank teller in particular
does not like what is going on and he decides to be a hero. He steps out from behind the counter
to try and grab the gun from one of the robbers, and they are now interacting in a physical altercation.
The robber shoots the teller to get him to stop and now the bank teller is lying on the floor dead.
Are you picturing this? The lawyer goes on to explain a specific law in Colorado called Felony Murder.
In the state of Colorado if a person or persons are trying to commit robbery they can and may be
tried for murder because they are both engaging in acts of a violent and dangerous nature.
This law specifically states that if you engaged in a harmful dangerous act and murder occurs
whether you were the one who killed an individual or not you are still held liable for that murder
if you were participating in this act. So not only would bank robber 1 who shot the individual be held
liable for murder but all 3 accomplices in the crime as well, robber number 2, number 3, and number 4. She asked pretty much every juror she spoke with if they would be okay carrying out that law specifically in this situation, again trying each one for murder, if that’s what the law stated, and if they would have a problem following that law? Each juror answered in their own words whether they could or could not follow that law and what they thought about this specific hypothetical in question. There were too many responses to go over in this blog. After the prosecution asked this specific question and jurors answered honestly, people started to get dismissed. After the first 3 jurors were dismissed my name was called.

They then asked me to give my opinions on the specific scenario at hand. After all 3 new jurors were
questioned the defending attorney asked his hypothetical which was, “Do you think that a person
who is under the influence or impaired cannot claim self defense? Ask yourself this question as well
please? That is when the first days’ court proceedings were finished and they dismissed us for the day. We had to show up the next day at 8:30am to begin to be questioning further.

Day 2

After all people gave their opinions to the questions they now did what is called perfunctory
challenges. The defending and prosecuting attorney’s both got to eliminate 12 people of their
choosing from the panel of jurors. I’ll be honest, during this time I was hoping they would call
my name, but they didn’t. After a total of 24 people had been dismissed from the panel I was
one of the 12 jurors and 2 alternates selected. They don’t tell you who the alternates are until
the end of the trail. The alternates are selected at random and only step in when another juror
in incapable of fulling his duty. The alternates get revealed after the closing statements have
been made. Once the jurors were selected and told you which juror they were, in this case I
as juror #3, the rest of the jury which was seated in the back was dismissed from the rest of
the trial. We then took another oath in front of the judge and the trial began. They did not
waste any time. After we sat down being sworn in for the second time, both sides gave their
opening statements and the trial began. I was shocked at how quick that actually was. I was
thinking they would dismiss us for the day and we’d come back the next day and start the trial,
but it just didn’t work that way. After opening statements, witnesses began to be called.
The first day was mostly details about people who were close to the victim. What problems he
struggled with, such as substance abuse, violence, family issues. They called up neighbors
who lived next to where the crime took place. They showed the victims body in the car from
several different angles as he was found dead, contorted and stuffed into the back of his own
SUV.

  Again this was just day 1-2. I'll go over the rest of the jury duty in the next posts.

--S

Dealing with SAD

                                         
                                               SAD
                                                  Sarah Winters

            Seasonal Affective Disorder is upsetting. It's something I have dealt with for the past 6 years. Just having to come to the realization that once a year right around when fall starts I will get depressed because the sun sets earlier and I don't get as much vitamin D makes me angry. I didn't even know that his was happening until I was 24-years-old when I noticed the correlation between my depression and fall. 
          I have had my own form of depression since I was 15-years-old. It was hard for me to recognize this sort of depression because it went so hand-in-hand with my regular depression. This depression happened once a year and came in a much bigger wave, causing more emotional instability than ever before. It took me years to determine this second depression was happening. During the fall it's a double whammy for me, having to deal with my normal depression and an onslaught of SAD. Despite taking vitamin D supplements to suppress affects of SAD it still overwhelms me. No matter what I do during the last part of September into the coming winter months through January, I feel sad most of the time and it's hard for me to find motivation. It was even hard gaining the willpower to write this article.
       As it turns out though I am not alone. Based on articles I've read quite a few people are affected with sad. Some of you reading this article or perhaps none of you know what experiencing this is like, but let me just say that SAD is awful. Having suicidal thoughts is not pleasant. Thinking of ways you can kill yourself when nobody is around are just thoughts that circle my brain this time of year whether I like it or not. In the winter time I try to take each day one at a time.

        For me SAD is not something I take lightly. I've even been to doctors who have put me on this medication or that medication to try and numb or dull this problem away. These medications ended up having more severe side effects than SAD itself so I have since stopped everything and have simply been trying to exercise more. 
       I'm mainly writing this article for all of you out there who may have depression in the winter and have not heard about SAD before. SAD is real and it may be affecting you too. Or if you already know you have it and are struggling with the same thoughts I experience daily don't feel alone. If you have come up with any  tricks or ways to help alleviate SAD even to a certain extent, please comment in the section below to let me know how you've improved your SAD. I'd love to hear from you guys on how I can combat this invisible monster. 

Work Life

Speaking Up when people are Bringing you Down.
    Sarah Winters
          I've had a hard professional career. I am not talking as far as the work is concerned, but with dealing with other employees. One of the hardest things to know is when to speak up when you are being abused at work vs not. I am not sure if most women feel the same way I do, but I feel things very strongly whether you are being kind or being awful. I operate in extremes. Learning to control my emotions has been one of the hardest things to master in my lifetime. I also don't particularly excel at reading when people are joking with me. I think people are being serious when they are joking on a daily basis, which makes me question many things around me. So it begs the questions how do I, as an emotional being, know when people are treating me unkindly vs me just being too sensitive? I cannot tell you when to speak up, but I would say there is a reason you are feeling this way. Feelings can lie sometimes, but if the same recurring feeling is coming up, it's popping up over and over again to reveal to you that something might be out of wack.
       Although work politics are everywhere I've learned to listen to my intuition. A comment of derision every now and again from an employee is expected (I may even be guilty of  snapping at people when I haven't had enough sleep) but there is a difference however between a comment now and again and verbal abuse. The difference to me is how and when your co-workers are making these sort of comments. Do they see you are in distress and decide now would be the perfect time to point out a mistake you just made, or flaw within you? Are they doing it when you are vulnerable, such as when they ask you to help them with a task, but then yell at you for doing that task in the wrong way? Are they noticeably angry at the mere presence of you helping them? These are all indications that something is going wrong.
        Through my previous three jobs I have experienced hatefulness at the hands of other individuals, specifically woman. Throughout my entire working career there is not much I've learned from these experiences except that they must happen everywhere. I've heard other women speak to me about pettiness and vindictiveness of other women, and unless your office has specific guidelines preventing certain types of behavior (or even when they do) there is no stopping anyone from being cutthroat and ruthless towards you in the workplace. Sometimes the abuse is straight forward. They are mean to your face and other times it comes in the form of psychological manipulation. This type of abuse is harder to prove that they are actually doing anything which is why I suspect they do it in the first place.
       I would encourage every person to know their individual limits with such behavior. It took me a while to understand where my breaking point was. It comes at the grounds of my morality system and my self-worth. What are you worth to these people? Nothing probably. This might be insulting but the truth. You know the truth of your own self-worth. Don't take in more than you can handle.
        I've had more than one friend tell me that even though they had been verbally abused at work they didn't speak out because they did not want to "rock-the-boat." They didn't want to endanger their position at the company due to complaints. I'm not saying you need to confront every ridiculous comment that is made your way, but I do believe that everyone, not just women, should speak out if the abuse is getting out of hand. Having spoken up at two of my previous job due to verbal abuse I'd say it worked out about 50% of the time. The first employer I had was compassionate and understanding, the second wrote me up and I was let go the next day.  In my opinion if you are not happy, there are other positions out there that may treat you better. The sum of your parts is more important than a job.
        I'm not surprised more people don't speak up about abuse in the work place because the abuser, in my opinion, usually uses fear to control another actions. That's what my first boss did to ensnare her employees into silence. We were all so terrified to speak up that most people working in that office had been abused for years.
       My point is that through all my experience and all my work history  God keeps putting me in situations with hostile abusive people. I've told horrible stories like these to my husband more times than I can count over the years. I'm sick of being abused and I'm not sure I know why God is putting these people in my life when they are only causing me to suffer. I tell myself looking back that at least I know what abuse looks like now. I know how to respectfully treat people regardless of the way they are treating me.
      In my last job the abuse was so bad God told me one day--You Deserve Better. So I'm telling you now--You deserve better! I listened to His voice and left. I hope if you are reading this article, if you are being abused, please speak out. If you don't have the courage to speak out, get out of the place you're in so you can find a work family that treats you correctly. If you are even scared to do this, just know that I have been there and have gone through exactly what you're going through.

--S

Dynamics of Women in the Workplace

        Women dynamics in the workplace.
          It should be no surprise to any woman reading this article that there are complicated dynamics in the workplace when any number of women are involved. Today I'm addressing this subject head on to try and analyze these complicated situations to see exactly why they happen. I am sure I am not the only one out there who wonders why women have to tear each other down instead of building each other up? The concept of tearing another person down to make yourself look better, which happens all the time in the workplace for women, just doesn't make sense to me especially when men who work closely together seem to get along so easily.
        If you are a women like me, it is undeniable that you have run into rivalry or should I say pettiness from other women in the work place. In fact, it's a guarantee that if you work with just one other women in the workplace there is an unspoken opposition with every action you take. It could be your voice, the way you walk, the way you dress, you're more pretty, you are too assertive vying for their job, and thousands of other reasons. All of these things happen to every women out there whether it be on their first day in the work place (which I've found in my own personal experiences to be true) or a week or months into the job. This petty belittling demeanor of other women at times may be primal or unknown to them, but does this make it right? Whether or not this behavior is deemed "acceptable" or not is of little importance, because regardless if every woman on the planet hates how other women in the workplace treat them, there never seems to be anything done about it on either side. Either you are the aggressor or are being aggressed on. If you are like me you feel like you have to fight back to regain some sort of imaginary territory. Women have torn each other down for centuries and will continue to do so until the women of the world step out of each other's way, agreeing to push their baser urges/feelings aside for a greater purpose.
        These feelings and urges are not a foreign concept to me. The insecurities I've built up, along with so many other women, damper our ability to see women for what they can offer, and instead narrow our viewpoint to see which weaknesses we can exploit. Take a glimpse back into your workplace relationships, have you ever felt these specific feelings with a man in the workplace even once? I asked  myself this question with the answer being a firm NO. I often times find myself trying to prove myself to men, or impress them, but those efforts are focused on an entirely different emotion all together, one of working hard and doing good work With women it's going deep into our own thoughts to try and analyze everything they've said to figure out everything they were trying to say below the surface of their words.  As women, we do this everyday whether we want to or not decoding hidden meanings. It's part of who we are. There is and will always be worry and fear to press us forward instead of logic and reasoning. This unspoken language which every women has invested time and energy trying to understand is a langue which has no rules and no winners. Everybody loses when trying to evaluate body language, inflection of voice, and complicated hand gestures to determine what exactly "that bitch" was trying to convey to us. In the end we're all just contestants on a new fictional reality show I like to call "The Real Biggest Loser." Are we winning at all when we can't even understand the playing field?
        I as a woman have had to try and compartmentalize these complex emotions to try and get through a day at work. Women are manipulative by nature. To engage them is to engage trigger points within yourself. If it be their insecurities or your own try not to engage those feelings.  I have found that if we only learn to disengage our emotions, disengage our anger, the other person has no power over you. Not only that, but it will be no fun for them to domineer you. So ladies, let's just lay down our manipulative weapons. Instead, let's start reaching for our weapons of truth. The truth that I have found is simple; these people are just as broken as you or I, and they need a little compassion. This compassion just might bridge the gap by bringing competitiveness closer to constructive relationships.

Love
--Sarah